my
skull
Empty pages
Is all I have
No hopes for a better life
I sit in the middle of these four walls
And I don't know what I want
I'm inspired by nothing
I just want to do nothing
But 'nothing' isn't making me happy
'Nothing' is leaving my canvas white
How do I get it all back?
How do I go back to where I was?
I feel like an orphan child
No one to look for me
No one to wonder if I'm all right.
I don't want this emptiness anymore
I don't want to be sad
But I'm stuck in a cycle of loneliness
I don't know how to get out
What if I found that someone
The one that pulls me out
The one that makes me happy
And my palette a colorful one
Will I know to keep him and treat him right?
Will I learn to love him or be his wife?
But the nothing comes back and tricks me
Into thinking that I will never have
The life straight from a magazine
The white house and the pretty yard
It's overwhelming
More than what I'll ever want
But is this feeling of minimized standards
A sure sign of the depression I'm at?
Is this even depression?
Or the poet's mind working its way into a masterpiece
Which no one will ever find?
What is in this head of mine
If I crack it open
What will I find?
I think I'll find all my sunken dreams,
My memories of a broken heart.
I'll find the day my father left me
And how much I wanted to cry.
This is my desperate seek for help
I'm stuck in the day I should've died!
I have to convince myself that I'm alive
And maybe then I'll be all right.
I'll play the role of a prophet
And foresee what it will be like,
To feel the blood flowing through my veins
And the desire to search for new lands.
Maybe the world won't be big enough
For me to do all I can,
In that case I will jump up to space
And visit the stars.
Up there I'll be a part of the beauty I wish I'd find here
till then I think I'll be stuck
Inside these four walls
Hoping to find that someone
Who can crack open my skull.
unrecognized
No matter how many angry words I write
No matter how many angry thoughts
Run through my mind
My heart is still hungry for your love
You put me in the middle of a civil war
I feel fierce inside
I'm starting my battle again
I have not yet been defeated
And I have not lost the war
I'm still fighting for you baby
I'm still fighting for your love
My only wish is if I lose this fight
There are no identifiable survivors
I want to get out of this unrecognized
It's been a long time
Since this battle begun
I've lost my identity
I left it in the hands
Of the only man who knows
How to uncover my
Secret plan
Since then, I haven't been the same
Since then I've been living
Unrecognized
So this war isn't over until I'm satisfied
I'm still fighting for you baby
I'm still fighting for your love
distant
change
He covers me with the blanket of his soul
Yet I feel so cold
I'm exposed to the sadness that comes
All I feel is the happiness of my thoughts
I'd rather not know
That there is no hope
Behind these wishful thoughts
I'd rather go on
And wonder what it was
My naïve dreams of him
Are nothing but dreams
I was so close to my reality
But now I only want to dream him away
Give me some distance
Please stay away
I want you so badly
And things will not change
[untitled]
Shut up 'cuz I can't breath
The air is thinning away
From my soul so weak
So many years of confusion and pain
I guess it hasn't paid off in the end
Like a beautiful melody
I've tried growing graceful
But so many bumps
So many hard rides
Have filled my heart with scars
I have to search
Within my closed shelf
For the answer I've been looking for
Search for the strength
I once lost while trying
To show it off
So darling, wait for me
I'm searching for what you're looking for
no
magician
Dead, beaten and stoned
In this vicious cycle of love
Words tumble wildly
In my memories
Words haunt me madly
Into my soul
I close my eyes and wish
It all away
I'm no magician
It's here to stay.
Some seasons
I feel you only in my thoughts
But you come around and bring my guard down
With only one look into my eyes.
I'm no magician
I can't make you disappear
You should leave on your own
I'll start walking down my path
Walk right into the unknown without you
No more screaming memories
Digging this deep painful hole
I'll throw seeds in the hole
And a flower will grow
A flower with the color of your smile
A smile that will be
Forever off my thoughts.
It was nice knowing you
But you gotta go
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