this child

There is a place inside
that I always try and hide
from everyone on the outside
from all of them and you

You are the evil part of me
when I look into my mirror
I see me, but I see you too
and I cannot look away

I will NEVER be free of you
I cannot just open my wings
and take to the sky and fly away
like all of the other girls can do

I am a child, I am all grown
the green light means go
I shouted red and said no
but you never ever did listen

I watched as you stressed
you got all worked and ready
your body soaking in sweat
one tiny drop starting to glisten

There are the people that will hold you
and the people that will push you away
I am my own army, that will not surrender
I will not scream, and break in defeat

My mind is at war, my heart is at peace
and this child cries, this child weeps.

prowler

Fear
Guilt
a deep pit in your stomach
looking out the window
and seeing your reflection
in some-one else's eyes

Pain
Fatigue
having to put a mattress in my mothers room
stacking noisemakers in front of the door
so we can be warned if you happen to approach
dread of living, for fear of dying

Goosebumps
Prickles
symptoms of despair
always wondering whose there

Smashed mailboxes
Broken windows
popped up gas tank lids drained of fuel
gouged in doors and broken locks

Dear god, help me
I fear for my life
I fear for my family
I fear for our pets
and I fear for my brother
who started all this. 

freak

I know your pain
and you're insane
but I'm not the one
who's to blame
you want to rape me
I want to beat you
and I won't keep you
creep that you are
not my lucky star
and this mind I fear
has thought too far

i see the world differently

I see the thistles
on the flower
I see the war
in Jesus
I know the fear
in god
I feel the hypocrisy
of human integrity
I believe that there is no
true meaning
that everything
is cross referenced
and even in perfection
there is always
a little black spot
I see the floods
in the rain
the fire and destruction
in the sun
the way that the clouds
block out the light
and the stars mar
the smooth black sky
I stay awake inside
my feelings
aren't up for debate
Crying is healthy
in a dry desert
and there is no love in hate.

changes observed by a nut

I can watch a flower bloom, and see the grass grow.
I saw a passage to hell, I conquered it.
I can watch the ocean wave, and see the sand gather on the shore.
I saw a stairway to heaven, I climbed it.
I can see the birds fly, and watch the chicks hatch.
I saw the man on the moon, I kissed him.
I can watch a cat sun, and see the kittens play.
I saw Jesus suffering, I set him free.
I can see a newborn baby, and an old man in a coffin.
I saw a wounded Angel, I helped her fly away.
I can cry and wither in pain,
but it won't make a difference, nothing will change.
I saw a lost child, I gave him a home.
The world is still here. The earth still moves.
The people are still populating. The sun still shines.
The moon still sets, and the stars still sparkle.
I saw you crying, I comforted your pain.
I looked into my broken mirror, I went insane.
And nothing, nothing, will ever be the same... 

loves innocent child

All I ever wanted
was for you to love me


I grew up in neglection's path and sorrows trails.

All I ever wanted
was for you to hold me

Your arms stayed empty and I grew up cold.

All I ever wished for
was for you to acknowledge my efforts

You bred ignorance and left me on my own accord.

All I ever dreamed
was that you would somehow change

Dreams you said, were a waste of time and left me to face harsh reality
alone.

All that ever happened
was nothing really.

I was left neglected.
Filled with angst and hate.
Remorse and sorrow.
Wondering what is was that I did that was so wrong...
That you felt as though I ought to be neglected a mothers love??

You may not have seen it,
but I cried.

You may not have heard it,
but I screamed in pain.

You may have hurt me,
Did you even care?? 

talking to the grim reaper

It is rare
that a song
can make your heart
want to sing
out loud

It is rare
that a poem
can make your soul
want to read
out loud

It is rare
that a movie
can make your mind
want to think
out loud

It is rare
that a person
can make your memory
want to scream
out loud
or
break yourself
in two
because
you don't have a gun
to blow yourself away
and the pain is too real...

angelic

Love you always
In my dreams
Forever yours
Eternally mine

Fall harder each time
Into your trap
Dream each night
Live each day

Forever yours
Eternally mine
Love to hate
Hate to love

Dream of Death
Sing Of life
In a hypocritical world

Forever yours
Eternally mine

Swim life's roads
Walk dreams lakes
Run forever
Into Armageddon

Psychedelic logic
Dreamers keep
Swimmingly yours
Death of life

Hypocritical world
Forever yours
Eternally mine